Back in April 2016 I posted a piece on self validation. More than anything, it was as a piece I wrote to clear my mind and provide comfort for myself. Now almost two years later, the same questions still come and go (did I choose the right career path, what am I doing with my life, etc. etc.) and I have a feeling they will stay around for a long time.
But this is a part two, a continuation, and I wanted to touch on the validation of my thoughts and feelings. Often I reflect through my actions and wonder if I made them to gain the approval from others as way to validate my choices. I wrote before that I instinctively take in the group’s opinion regarding an issue as a mechanism to fit in. Although this doesn’t really matter for topics I have no feelings about, but for things I do have an opinion on, it’s problematic that I always reevaluate my experiences, thoughts and feelings thinking there’s a flaw somewhere.
Here’s a prime example: the other day my friend and I were discussing people I’ve had crushes on, and she commented that she finds visuals on these boys to be below average. Rather than just accepting that as her opinion and move on, I started to explain my attraction to try and essentially convince her that my taste in men are good. Logically speaking, the people we are attracted have different traits because we are different people; she may find someone I like unattractive and vice versa. There really was no reason for me to explain myself. But I wanted to gain approval from her. Approval for my taste. As if my taste is a substitute for my being and I want her to validate me.
In my new year resolution I mentioned to be responsible for my emotions; to accept my experiences, thoughts and feelings as part of my truth. My problem with self validation is just one level waiting conquered on the journey of becoming responsible for myself. I think acknowledging the problem is always a great way to start when tackling any issue, and this is why I’m writing this post. It will be a reminder for myself that what goes on inside my head are real and they matter as much as someone else’s words.