You know those stories about how life is a circle? Well this is one of them…
People journal for different reasons, for me it’s a dumpster for my thoughts especially when I feel bad. I’ve spewed these thoughts out in many notebooks over the years, some contain a lot more than others. While cleaning a couple of weeks ago, I found my childhood/teenage journal, I dug it out today to discard the events that happened earlier.
After frantically scribbling for five pages straight to get everything onto paper, I flipped through my older entries. There was a clear transition of when I started thinking in English instead of my mother tongue Chinese. It was in June 2008 when my entry switched over from mainly Chinese to full English with two Chinese characters. The last time I’d written in the book was June 10th, 2013, the last day of official class in high school. All the crushes I had over the years had all been documented. I’ve been writing letters to these boys way before a series of love letters and definitely before Lara Jean made it mainstream on All the Boy’s I’ve Loved Before (it’s such an adorable rom-com, highly recommend).
Now this isn’t about journaling by any means, although I definitely should do it more to clear my head. This is about the funny thing called life.
One of the things I noted down in the “Important Dates” section I’d made at the end of the book was June 24th, 2009. The entry read, “graduation of 8th grade (gonna be in Stuy next year! I’m so sad I’m gonna miss everyone and [name of the boy I had a crush on then]).” When I saw this I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. I’d been so sad about not seeing him on a daily basis since we were going to different high schools. Now after college graduation and almost a decade later, I see him every single day during my morning work commute as we take the same bus to the city. It’s unbelievably funny how life works like this. If I hadn’t read my journal, I wouldn’t have known how I felt then, and seeing him every morning wouldn’t be as ironic.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that things change and it might not be as bad as I imagine. Being in the midst of so many uncertainties right now, I need to embrace this message more than ever. I’ve read so many people’s stories about how life is a circle and trust it to do its thing, but nothing is more convincing than seeing it happen with your own story. But really, I should journal more because it’s essentially a time machine. If I don’t pen down the piece now, I won’t have a then to reflect upon in the future.